Probably not.
I've been dreading the arrival of 2016 for years. It's been hovering in the back of my mind, ready to pounce, but I've been ignoring it. Last week, as the clock struck midnight on January 1st, I turned to my husband and said "I can't tell you how unhappy I am that 2016 is finally here". Yep, I was a fun New Year's date. Poor guy.
Before I continue, let me say this. When I started this blog almost two years ago, I wanted a place to write, and share, and try to overcome my anxiety. It's become that and so much more. I've made wonderful friends, learned new things, and been strengthened by the support and love of the blogging community. I've gained courage and happiness. In return, I now want my space here to be a positive place that might help or teach someone else. I promise not to spend the whole year moping around, and I hope I don't scare you off.
But sometimes a girl just needs to vent, and today's the day.
I hate 2016.
Ever since the day I filled out his kindergarten registration, I've known that this was the year my baby would finish high school, and head off into the next phase of his life. For awhile I've known that this was the year my older son would graduate from college, and be ready to move to his own home. But at the time it seemed far away, and I put it on the back burner to deal with later.
Then 2016 came barging in, uninvited and way too soon. And I'm not ready.
 |
| Seriously, this seems like yesterday. |
I know that exciting things await, both for them and my husband and me. Life goes on, and that's a good thing. They're ready. It's as it should be.
For me and my anxious self, the anticipation of something can often be worse than the actual event. When the time comes to really let them go, I will be strong. I'll try not to let them see my cry, because they'll worry. I'll kick myself in the booty and get on with things.
But in my mama's heart, all I want is a do over. I want my little boys back.
And could I ask 2016 to go away and come back later?
Love you, Lana! You know there are friends here who will support and care for you. Take care, friend! xoxox
ReplyDeleteThanks Carrie. My blog friends are the best!
DeleteOur kids grow up so fast! I know I will be in the same spot in a blink of an eye! You raised two amazing young men and I know you are proud that they are ready to take on the world! Hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteJill
Doused In Pink
Thank you Jill!
DeleteYou got this, Lana. You have much stronger than you think. In the meantime, we're here.
ReplyDeleteI know I can count on you guys!
DeleteAW! Loved this post! Hoping that 2016 isn't so bad after all and brings you much joy and happiness!
ReplyDeleteI hope so too Laura!
DeleteThe picture of you and the boys... while the boys of grown up and changed, you still look the same. I can understand how you feel. I often count down the number of family vacations we have left, though I have yet to figure out the year that they will graduate. Enjoy the next 6 months while you have your boys at home.
ReplyDeleteThank you Christy. Trust me, I have a lot more wrinkles!
DeleteI'm bawling Lana, just bawling my friend! You know that I can relate to this 100%!!! Guess what I'm doing today? I'm actually working on one of the graduation boards for the open house! Two of my boys are graduating this year, I want to cry cry cry!! So I will hate 2016 with you and we will take a do over together!! K!! Hugs!!
ReplyDeleteTwo boys graduating? Yikes. We'll keep each other going...
DeleteI barely remember what it was like when the kids left to enter their own world but I do remember that my pride for them far outweighed my sadness at seeing them go. Now, the grandchildren take up the child's corner of my heart and it is AWESOME.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait for grandchildren someday!
DeleteAwe, I feel for you! My son will head off to college this year and I just can't believe how fast it all went. I do think the anticipation is worse than the actual happening. You'll do great when it gets here and until then try to think about it as little as possible! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm definitely trying not to think about it. How did it happens so fast?
DeleteOh man. Yeah....but like I said to you before, so many new exciting chapters ahead with your boys.
ReplyDeleteThis is true.
DeleteWe are never ready...but you will take on new challenges!
ReplyDeleteNow I just have to figure out which ones :)!
DeleteOH man, this makes me want to cry just thinking about my littles growing up and moving out...waahh!!!
ReplyDeleteExactly....waahh!!!
Deleteohhhh Lana this is so scary to me!! I know, before I know it, I'm going to be feeling the same way and I don't know what I'll do!!
ReplyDeleteAt least you have a wonderful trip to look forward to :) YAY Vegas!
Confessions of a Frumpy Mommy
So excited for Vegas!
DeleteAw, I'm sorry you're sad, but the year will turn out fabulous! You have to look at the glass (or house, as the case may be) as half full, not half empty. It's a year full of new possibilities. We're empty nesters, except for the dogs, and I'm loving it!
ReplyDeleteI know this is the right attitude - and I'm getting there...slowly :)!
DeleteLana, I swear I was thinking about you on New Year's. I know this year will be tough, but also exciting. I was the same way in 2010. Time does fly by, but even though there's pain involved there is unbelievable pride and love. I'm here if you need me.
ReplyDeleteYou're so sweet Rena. I need to focus on the pride part!
DeleteEver since I first found you in the blogging world, you and I have been on the same wavelength Lana. And yes - I WANT a do- over; to enjoy it all again and not change a single thing!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad we will have each other to lean on and celebrate with in the coming months!
We will definitely need to lean on each other!
DeleteThis is a positive place, don't worry. It always will be. I appreciate your honesty about the year. That's tough. May it be beautiful and easier than you imagined.
ReplyDeleteI remember when I had my first baby and I was in a baby group with a moderator who had just sent one kid to college and one to.. China. Sheesh. She looked at all of us with our newborns and said, "I want that back sometimes." Of course we were all sleepless and overwhelmed and wanting what SHE had.
Yes, we always want what we don't have, so true. And ultimately, I'm happy with where I am, but sometimes, I'd love to have those little boys back, just for a little bit.
DeleteI hope 2016 turns out to be a wonderful year for you Lana...I know how you feel, when Andrea moved out I had to deal with the empty nest syndrome... a couple of years later I had Valentina. I think I'll be able to deal with it better when Valya moves out... I hope. Times change, I do think you have a great support system and eventually you'll have grandchildren, they are pretty amazing ♡
ReplyDeleteThanks Launna. You're right - and I am looking forward to grandchildren someday!
DeleteOh, I completely agree with you on this one, Lana. Looks like this summer I will also be in a childless home again and I am not looking very forward to it. I adore my boys and want to do a rewind and take it all in again, but slower... Thanks for sharing where you are and let's hope 2016 is a good one.
ReplyDeleteWouldn't a do over be nice? At least for a little while :)!
DeleteOh now that I am a mom myself I totally get it. My little one will be three in just days now and I seriously have no idea how fast it went. She is not my chubby little infant baby anymore. She is still very young and very much a baby. She has ways to grow but you know what I mean. 3 years flew, just like that.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it amazing how fast the years go by? When they are newborns, and you're so tired, it seems like they'll never grow up. But they do, sooner than you think!
DeleteSweet, sweet baby girl...I hate that you are feeling sad and anxious at the arrival of this new year. Please know that nothing can ever take those precious boys away from you. Not 2016 or 2026. Your relationship with them is founded on years of love, memories and lots of history. In the years to come, your relationship may evolve and change but in many wonderful new ways. I miss my daughters every single day and yet they are probably as much a part of my life and my heart as they were when we were snowed under by the day-to-day stuff that makes up life. You can do this...I did! And you and your sons are only going to grow closer.
ReplyDeleteLeslie, I can't tell you how much this means to me. You are such a good friend!
Deletetransitions are always tough times. I used to complain all the time that our kids didn't call us every day blah blah blah and my husband would say that our aim was to make them independent adults and we were succeeding. It still leaves a little hole in your heart, but you will adjust gradually and when they come home for visits it's REALLY special. Thinking of you and keep in mind that new adventures lie ahead (for them and for you and your hub!) xx
ReplyDeleteYou're right - this is what we've been raising them for - to live independent, successful lives. And truthfully, I don't want them living with me forever :)! I just need to focus on those new adventures.
Delete